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Troops refused kit to fight Taliban
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Post Troops refused kit to fight Taliban 
Troops lives at risk through lack of suitable equipment. What are the value of Blair promises?

See the following article in the Sunday Telegragh:


http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/main.jhtml?xml=/news/2007/01/21/narmy21.xml

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Post Teflon Tony and his Empty Promises 
Hamish, Why am I not surprised?

Or will he blame the Civil Serpents of the MoD?


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Post Re: Troops refused kit to fight Taliban 
hamishw wrote:
Troops lives at risk through lack of suitable equipment. What are the value of Blair promises?


The Telegraph has said that civil servants are jealous of the Armed Forces! 'Jealous'? It is much more than that. There is clearly an explicit attempt from with the MoD to reduce our Defences to a level where we become vulnerable.

If our case is anything to go by, Blair probably is not aware of what is going on. And if he is, he doesn't care. His promises are worthless ... and dangerous because the give the country false sense of security.

It's all very alarming. Time for change, methinks.

Meanwhile, the bureauprats from the MoD and the FCO have got to be made accountable for their actions. They've started in the Home Office...


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Post Brandon Free Press discovers secret MoD Funding 
Yes we have been at it again. We've sent our roving reporter out on the executive bicycle and covered a lot of ground.

What we have discovered will amaze and alarm you, but if you were a civil servant, then it would come as no surprise. British troops are to pay for their own rifle, ammunition, mine proof vehicles, and other equipment.

In an all encompassing statement, the MoD has announced that British forces will pay for all of their equipment out of their own pockets. This will be deducted from their monthly salaries at a progressive rate.

It is envisaged that to provide a fully equipped battle ready soldier, would cost approximately £500,000. This expense would have to be met by the soldier and his family. This would also include the cost of his/her training.

The Royal Air Force is a slightly different matter as it would be financially prohibitive to restore the 10 Westland Wapiti aircraft, currently held in storage at several museums. Apart from that, the curators of these museums refuse to let the MoD have them.

Our intelligence experts ( now there's an oxymoron if ever I heard one) state, that the Royal Navy, have now been fully equipped with state of the art rowing boats that the MoD nicked from the Sea Cadets. These are flexible and multi-task units, which can be converted to sailing dinghys at short notice.

Carrying a crew of three, one at the helm, one either rowing, or handling the sails, and a Royal Marine in the bow, with a bow and arrows for the offensive/defensive role. Sailors are at a distinct advantage as they can nick their sister's bell bottom trousers.

A spokesperson from the MoD said, 'How else are we going to fund our £2.3 billion Whitehall facelift'. Our reporter suggested that the only facelift they needed was a bunch of fives up the hooter. He was led away by an MoD policeman and released later somewhere near Brighton pier, where he was rescued by a member of the HMS Brighton Association.

The Prime Minister, when asked why he had renegged on his previous statement, that he would give the troops everything they asked for, stated he had kept his promise. What he had not revealed was, that the British Forces would have to fund themselves.

Our own defence correspondent added that Mr Blair was once again lying, on account of his lips were moving. That, from a financial standpoint, apart from the odd bit of pillaging and plundering, there was no way that the MoD were ever going to recoup the money that they had squandered in Iraq and Afghanistan.

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Post Re: Brandon Free Press discovers secret MoD Funding 
Our intelligence experts ( now there's an oxymoron if ever I heard one) state, that the Royal Navy, have now been fully equipped with state of the art rowing boats that the MoD nicked from the Sea Cadets. These are flexible and multi-task units, which can be converted to sailing dinghys at short notice.

Carrying a crew of three, one at the helm, one either rowing, or handling the sails, and a Royal Marine in the bow, with a bow and arrows for the offensive/defensive role. Sailors are at a distinct advantage as they can nick their sister's bell bottom trousers.

LOVE IT,THE DINGHY I SAW IN FAREHAM CREEK,(THATS THE PLACE,WHERE THE NEXT FLEET REVIEW WILL TAKE PLACE) WAS CREWED ENTIRELY BY ADMIRALS,OF THE INTELLIGENCE SERVICE,AS A A RESULT,NO ONE WAS FIT TO ROW,THE SAILS WERE AS EFFICENT AS A SCRAMBLING NET,AS AUTHORISED BY ADMIRAL SEE THRU-LONGJONS OF GAY PRIDE FAME,THIS LEFT EVERYONE WANTING TO HELM THE DINGHY,WHICH THEN COLLIDED WITH A RECENTLY PAID OFf WARSHIP,WHICH NO ONE RECOGNIZED BECAUSE OF IT'S COLOUR.AFTER WHICH IT WENT INTO REFIT,,THE BOW WAS DISPENSED WITH,AND REPLACED BY ANOTHER STERN AND RUDDER,AT THE DIRECT INSTRUCTION OF THE DIRECTOR OF NAVAL CONSTRUCTION,WHICH IS PRETTY MUCH A NON JOB THESE DAYS,BIT LIKE BIFFO Embarassed BUT LESS ENTERTAINING Exclamation ANYWAY ON ACCEPTANCE SEA TRIALS,THE ADMIRALS WERE VERY HAPPY,THEY EACH HAD A HELM,AND FOUND THAT IF THEY BOTH WENT HARD A STBD,THEY WENT ROUND IN CIRCLES,WHICH GAVE A CONSTANTLY CHANGING VIEW OF POMPEY HARBOUR,SUCH AS WHERE H.M.S. DOLPHIN USE TO BE,HASLAR NAVAL HOSPITAL USE TO BE,GUN WHARF H.M.S. VERNON USE TO BE, ST GEORGE'S BARRACKS USE TO BE, WERE PRIDDY'S HARD ,USE TO BE,AND WERE H.M.S ST VINCENT USE TO BE Exclamation AND OF THE COURSE THE PRIDE OF THE FLEET H.M.S WARRIOR 1860 IS Exclamation MASKING OF COURSE THE NAVAL SECRET WEAPON,YIP HMS VICTORY,KEPT IN A CONSTANT STATE OF READINESS,THIS IN CONJUNCTION WITH HM SUBMARINE ALLIANCE, LAST SEEN ON PLINTH'S AND 20 FOOT IN THE SKY,IS THE TALK OF THE K.G.B. PHOTO RECON STAFF.A REPORTER (FROM BRANDON)ASKED ONE OF THE ADMIRALS ABOUT THE HANDLING ,QUALITIES OF THE DINGHY,SHITTE SEZ HE,BUT AT LEAST IT KEEPS THE SUN ON MI TOMATOES ALL DAY. THE REPORTER THEN ASKED THE MARINE IN THE BOW,ERE ROYAL ,COULD U KILL A MAN: " WITH THIS LOT IT'S EASY", HE REPLIED,AND PROMPTLY COMMITTED SUICIDE ! AT THE INQUEST,NO BULLET ENTRY WOUND WAS FOUND,IT HADN'T FIRED,BUT THE COMPLETE ROUND WAS FOUND IN HIS STOMACH,AS HE'D ATE IT,TO BE EFFECTIVE,HIS LAST REQUEST WAS TO BE BURIED AT SEA ,IN A UNUSED PARACHUTE,WITH A NAVAL BUGLER TO SOUND LAST POST,THIS WAS FINE,UNTIL THE HAPPY CLAPPIES GOT HOLD OF IT,AS ON SEEING THE FUNERAL BARGE CIRCLING,IT MEANT THE OLD BOOTIE,WOULDN'T GET PAST WHALE ISLAND,AND THE CADMIUM IN HIS MEDALS WOULD AFFECT FISH STOCKS,AND THE LAST POST,WELL IS IT SOMAT TO DU WIV THE ROYAL MAIL.THIS LEFT THE EX NAVAL BUGLER DAZED,K'INL HE SAID,ONE DEAD MARINE,ADMIRALS CIRCLING IN ARTHURS DINGHY,A FLYING FKIN U-BOAT,AN THE FIRST WARSHIP I SEE IS PAINTED BLACK AND 145 YRS OLD!MUST BE TOT-TIME ,BOLLOCKS SHOUTED AN ADMIRAL,WE STOPPED THAT IN THE 70'S PETE WHEN YOU WENT HI TECH!BUT WE CAN STILL RAT -ARSED,IF ONLY WE COULD GET ASHORE,IF YOUR ON A RUN ASHORE I SEZ,WHERE'S ADMIRAL HUSSIEN?FCUKIM WAS THE REPLY,HE DON'T DRINK,AND WONT EAT A OGGIE.THE NEXT FLEET REVIEW TO TAKE PLACE IN FAREHAM CREEK WILL CO-INCIDE WITH THE LAST WARSHIP PAYING OFF ,THE BEST VIEWING POINT IS ELSON HARDWAY,SHIPS BOWS WILL FACE THE ROUND TOWER AT SOUTHSEA,THIS IS A COST SAVING REASON,AS IT WILL MEAN ONLY THE STARBOARD SIDE ( THE RIGHT HAND LOOKING TO SHARP END)WILL GET FRESH PAINT,COLOUR SCHEME UNDICIDED AS YET,BUT A ALL INCLUSIVE REVIEW BY CREWS OF ALL SEXUAL ORIENTATION,PLUS A VISIT TO A DIY SUPERSTORE ON A DISCOUNT TUESDAY SHOULD HAVE EVERYONE TALKING.



Last edited by ro5=6372 on Sun Jan 21, 2007 3:28 pm; edited 1 time in total
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Suggested colour scheme for submarine Alliance, is either episcopalian puce, or shocking pink. The enemy would die laughing, and we wouldn't have to fire a shot. Pretty neat huh!

Keep looking over your shoulder Pete. The DNSY - Director of Naval Security is watching us.

Yours haunted

Arthur

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[quote="Arthur R-S"]Suggested colour scheme for submarine Alliance, is either episcopalian puce, or shocking pink. The enemy would die laughing, and we wouldn't have to fire a shot. Pretty neat huh!

Keep looking over your shoulder Pete. The DNSY - Director of Naval Security is watching us.

Yours haunted

Arthur[/quote] NAW,WITH ALL THE LEAKS HE'S TOO BUSY BAILING,SIDES I';VE BEEN P.V.d,AND FOUND TO BE A LOYAL SUBJECT,WHO JUST LIE'S A LOT,BIT LIKE ARRTONE,CEPT THE HONOUR I GOT GRATIS, NO MONEY CHANGED HANDS,I AIN'T ALLOWED TO WEAR,AND HEARS ME PART OF A POLITICALLY CORRECT CORPORATE KILLING MACHINE,IE,WILL PUT YOUR ARSE IN ORBIT,IRRESPECTIVE OF RACE, CREED,GENDER,OR SEXUAL ORIENTATION,IT JUST A'INT FAIR.

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If all else fails, volunteer to be a splash target pilot. Sitting on a dan bouy towed at 35knots, all that sun and sea air, will do you a power of good.

Yours Aye

Arthur

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Post Re: Brandon Free Press discovers secret MoD Funding 
ro5=6372 wrote:
Our intelligence experts ( now there's an oxymoron if ever I heard one)


Steady amidships, not so much of the oxy! I was in Military Intelligence which itself was a contradiction in terms (a description, like oxymoron, often met with a deafening silence).

Barry


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Hello Barry,

I was referring to our illustrious civil service intelligence and military experts, who's handiwork is the stuff of legend, well, myth anyway, as witnessed by WOMD etc.

You know I would never berate military organisations. We've done the time and the work on the ground, so therefore we have nothing to be ashamed of.

Yours Aye

Arthur

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[quote="Arthur R-S"]If all else fails, volunteer to be a splash target pilot. Sitting on a dan bouy towed at 35knots, all that sun and sea air, will do you a power of good.

Yours Aye

Arthur[/quote
WELL I KNOW FOR MANXMAN,WHEN IT HAD A FULL COMPLEMENT OF KETTLES,35 KNOTS WAS NOTHING,IS ANYTHING CAPABLE OF THIS IN THE R.N. THESE DAYS Question OR IS THAT BEHIND ONE OF FURSTLADEE GIMME GIMME'S FRIENDS POWERBOATS ,FINE I'LL DO IT,DON'T WONT HER ONBOARD MIND,UNLESS WE TRY TO DIVE AND EVEN FLOODING 'Q'MEANS WE CAN'T GET UNDER.MIND U IF AIR CON FAILS COULD USE THE MOUTH AS A WINDSCOOP.

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Post HMS MANXMAN 
Unfortunately Pete, she was a lot slower than that. When she was built, she had four boilers and a design speed of 40 knots, but did achieve 42 knots.

Early sixties, during her refit in Chatham, she had two of her boilers removed and had a top speed of about 26 knots.

So any tales of her doing over that speed are slightly exaggerated. Mind you, when telling other ship's crew members, who enquired, her speed did increase exponentially, the more beer you consumed. The final speed I heard was approximately 75 knots.

Yours Aye

Arthur

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Post Re: HMS MANXMAN 
So any tales of her doing over that speed are slightly exaggerated. Mind you, when telling other ship's crew members, who enquired, her speed did increase exponentially, the more beer you consumed. The final speed I heard was approximately 75 knots.

Yours Aye

Arthur[/quote]
CORRECT,WAS THAT THE TIME,WHEN HMS BRIGHTON,APPEARED ON YOUR STERN HORIZON,FLEW PAST AND DISAPPEARED FROM VIEW ON YOUR BOW,WITH NERE A WISP OF SMOKE FROM IT STACK,AND JUST LEFT U ROCKING IN ITS WAKE,NEEDING VIOLENT STEERING FROM O.O.W. TO AVOID THE EMPTY TINNIE'S SPOILING THE BOW PAINTWORK Question

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It was all a drunken blur Pete.

Yours Aye

Arthur

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Post BRANDON FREE PRESS ALERTS NAVY TO SERIOUS PROBLEMS 
Here we go again. Our roving reporter, tired of wandering around in drunken circles, after fiddling his expense account, has tracked down a serious fault with the wooden rudders on the new Royal Navy dinghy fleet.

We were alerted to the problem by a strange gentleman, who uses the code name RO5, doing something very strange to a bugle. He witnessed the peculiar goings on in Fareham Creek, that of these hi-tech vessels also going round in circles.

The problem had not yet been tracked down till now, despite the great expense, ie, non destructive testing, floroscope, x-rays, etc.

A passing Sea Cadet, pointed out, that these rudders had in fact fallen off and were lying at the bottom of the creek.

A spokesperson for the Royal Navy, informs us that these rudders were in fact made and purchased from obscure sources, located somewhere in the Netherlands, and are the first reported cases of Dutch Helm Disease.

The Sea Cadet was shoved head first into the creek for being a smartarse.

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