COMMUTERS TWIXT POMPEY AND GOSPORT ARE IN TOTAL DISARRAY AT THE ANNOUNCEMENT OF THIS NEWS. DON'T MATTER ABOUT ALL THE TYPE 42's LAID UP OR THE INSHORE SWEEPERS OR EVEN HMS INVINCIABLE. REASON BEING: THE RESULT OF THE HIGH LEVEL 'REVIEW' HAS BEEN CONFIRMED, THE CHAR LADY HAS BEEN RE-INSTATED AND CAME UP WITH THE IDEA OF A SHALLOW DRAUGHT, HIGHLY MANOUVERABLE CRAFT. THE R.N. HAS NO SUCH CAPABILITY SO THE GOSPORT FERRY IS TO GO INTO REFIT. TO BE ARMOURED, PAINTED AND RE-NAMED. FAVOURITE AT THE MO IS AN ARABIC ONE, THE SHITT'-AL-FLY, CLOSELY FOLLOWED BY PHUKK -RR- DUK. IT WILL BE CREWED ON THE SEAMAN DEPT BY FORMER R.N. MEMBERS OF THE H.D. COM'TEE, ON THE ADVICE OF CIVIL SERVANTS. FLAG OFFICER SEA-TRAINING IS HORRIFIED AT THIS PROSPECT AS THIS VESSEL, WITH TWO INDEPENDANT PROPULSION SYSTEMS, COULD END UP WITH SNOTTY 'JANVRIN AN' DULL-GILLETTE WILKY, STRUGGLING FOR OVERALL CONTROL AND THE HIGHLY UNDIGNIFIED PROSPECT OF HISSY FITS IN FRONT OF THE CREW. THEN THERE'S THE ISSUE OF THE MAIN ARMAMENT. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED THAT THE RED ARROWS WILL PROVIDE TOP COVER AS C.A.P. THE MAIN WEAPON BEING POLLUTING COLOURED VAPOUR TRAILS, CHANGED TO GREEN, TO CUT EMISSIONS AND SAVE THE PLANET. THE R.N. WAS MIFFED AT SAVING THESE NOISY 'KIN CRABFATS, SO THE FIELD GUN CREW IS TO BE RE-INVENTED, SAME AS RED ARROWS IN THE LAST MONTHS OF AARTONE'S SENATE. AFTER TEN YEARS OF CUTS, THE FIELD GUN CREW WILL THEREFORE HAVE ASHES LAID THRU THE PASSENGER SALOON TO MAKE THEM FEEL AT HOME. THE GUN(ONLY ONE) WILL BE AFT. ON SIGHTING THE N.M.E. ON THE BOW, THE ASHES WILL BE IGNORED, SAME AS BY OUR CRICKETERS, THE GUN WILL BE STRIPPED AND MANHANDLED OVER THE UPPER DECK, WHEN THE N.M.E. HAVING SEEN THIS CUNNING PLAN WILL GO ASTERN OF THE SHITT-AL-FLY/PHUKK-RR-DUK. THE FIELD GUN CREW, WILL BY THE BENEFIT OF HIGH TECH COMMUNICATION ( A PUSSER'S THUNDERFLASH), WILL TAKE THE GUN BACK OVER THE BRIDGE TO APPLAUSE OF THE N.M.E., WHO WE KNOW ARE THE CUSTODIANS OF ALL THE RECORDS AND THE POSITON'S IN THE CHARTS. THIS WILL LEAVE ALL THE ROYALS ONBOARD BEWILDERED, SAME AS LAST TIME. MEANWHILE THE CHAR LADY WHO THOUGHT THIS ALL UP IS STRUGGLIN'. NO BS'TARD WILL TAKE ANY NOTICE, THE TEA TROLLEY HAS 4 WHEELS AND ONE OF THEM HAS A MIND OF ITS OWN AND THROWING THE REST OUT OF KILTER. KIN'L SHE SEZ(COS SHE WUZ A LADEE) TALK ABOUT JIM'LL FIX IT. I'D LIKE TO SELL MY STORY BUT DES SCREWED IT FOR ME